Why Narcissists Ignore You


Have you ever met a narcissist? Are you familiar with narcissistic traits? I want to talk to you about a subject relative to the narcissist or people with narcissistic traits. There are a number of symptoms that describe someone who is narcissistic. I will briefly name just a few.
These are the people who seem somewhat arrogant; they seem to lack empathy, and they treat others without regard or concern. They’re very self-centered, selfish, and similar things of that nature. And they don’t pour a lot into relationships except for on a superficial level.

They’re always making you feel as though everything is all your fault, as though you’re to blame for everything. These are the traits of narcissistic people. Now, this is the thing: you might not know a narcissist right off because many times they’re very charismatic. They may dress very well as well as may speak very well. They may be very articulate. So, you might not know they are a narcissist.

But here are some things you might find out about a narcissist so you can identify them. I’m going to give you an example. Some of y’all have been through this before. Have you ever had a person where you’re in a situation, and you speak to them, and you know that they saw you? You speak to them, and yet they still act like they didn’t see you? And this might happen a number of times.
Or many times, they just don’t speak at all. Usually, this is a person that may have some narcissistic qualities. And so, why does the narcissist do that? We might ask the question are they really as confident as the present, are they insecure. Why would someone like this ignore us?



And it gets you to asking a whole bunch of unnecessary questions about yourself. And that’s one thing where you go wrong. Anytime, when you have to ask yourself a lot of questions about yourself relative to someone else, you might be in narcissistic company.
But let’s just start here. Okay, let’s go back to the example of the person who refuses to speak or ignores you. Each time they come around, they don’t say anything. Let me provide a few insights as to why this happens. You would probably only know this if you were super intuitive or a therapist. You won’t believe this one but the narcissist does this to make you feel insecure. This is the thing. It’s a technique to get your attention. It’s a technique they use to make themselves relevant, or they might otherwise not feel relevant.

Why Narcissists Play Mind Games

Think about what happens when a narcissist walks into the room. The typical narcissist has issues with insecurity, they don’t feel very confident. If they are a true narcissist, it might be difficult to know that they lack confidence. Many times the narcissist’s insecurities go unnoticed due to the overlay of insecurity of their codependent partners.  As quiet as it is kept, narcissists are some of the most insecure people you will ever meet. The narcissist insecurity to so deeply put away in their own minds, that they sometimes forget that they are insecure, accept sometimes when you trigger them. This is why narcissists play mind games to keep your attention. This is why they will compare you to others they have or have had an interest in to make you feel insecure so that they can feel more confident.

It’s tough to keep a narcissist satisfied because they have such hypocritically high expectations of you, and very few if any expectations of themselves. You may often feel you’re not good enough if you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You often may feel paranoid concerning your value in the relationship or marriage, if you are worthy enough to be with them, and this feeds their insecurity and makes them feel valued. A narcissist will never feel valued in the relationship or marriage unless you submit to them, worship them, and meet their demands. But that still not going to be enough Lol!

Are Narcissists Insecure?

The narcissist to many seems very secure and confident. The thought that a narcissist is insecure, you may say is heresy. But think again. The very fact that they are so paranoid about you leaving, having an interest in someone else, knowing everything you do and who you are with, tells you that they are not very secure. The narcissist paranoia can often be dangerous. What is it that they are fearing or insecure about? Some who are in a relationship with a narcissist would call this passion. Not so. A narcissist is not passionate about you. Primarily all of their relationships are transactional, if you are in a relationship or married to a narcissist you are simply a commodity, a resource, supply. The minute you cease to produce the supply, the narcissist will easily discard you.

Why Narcissists Cheat

Is the narcissist really confident? Why would somebody control you who is confident? Can the narcissist be dangerous? One of the primary reasons a narcissist keeps someone on the side is so that they will never have to experience feelings of abandonment from the marriage or relationship partner. Having multiple relationships also strengthens their weak ego, and is a cushion to pacify the void of feeling inadequate. This is why a narcissist from their perspective and truly be in love with like 5 people. Study the Tiger Woods story. Not saying he is a narcissist, but just follow the story.

So when the narcissist walks into the room, they don’t speak to you or may do something like that. This is a ploy to get your attention because otherwise, they might feel that they might not be relevant. Someone who walks into the room who doesn’t speak to you; let’s just say it was someone you didn’t even think was attractive. Guess what? They become noticed or known if they happen not to respond to you saying “hello.” This is one of the games narcissists play on individuals in order to be relevant, and it works. Not all narcissists use this technique, but many use it all the time.

If a narcissist decides not to notice an individual, they have cleverly begun a scheme to validate themselves through their subject. A natural response of the subject will often be, “why didn’t he speak, who does he think he is, did he not see me, he must think he is all of that.” Everything else that follows in these transactions when not careful with leads one into a trap of being controlled by the narcissist. In the narcissist mind, the mission has been accomplished, because the narcissist has the subject on their mind, whether good or bad, the narcissist has you thinking about them. This is yet one more win for the narcissist

Narcissists Try To Make You Feel Stupid Because They Do

Instead of trying to hear what you are saying, narcissists love to make you feel stupid. I can’t process that very well. But if you’ve ever been in a relationship or marriage with a narcissist, you might know a lot about this. If you talk to a narcissist, many times they’ll make you feel irrelevant, make you feel like you’re stupid or dumb. In so many words they may tell you that you don’t have any common sense.

Here is a famous example I got to make a whole video on this one. Especially with women. A narcissist walks into the room. He’s in your space and he’s telling you how dumb and stupid you are and how you started late in the game in college. And saying you’re not that smart. But guess about the education level of the narcissist. Zero. They haven’t even been to high school sometimes, and don’t have a college degree. And yet here it is, you with your Masters. No offense about someone who hasn’t gotten those degrees. I’m just saying, he’s attacking you, and yet you’re getting your education and he is not even at your level at time. And guess what? You’re starting to feel insecure about yourself, being in college, even though you are at a higher level in some cases than he is.

And then, projection, that’s a whole other thing. We’re going to get into that. But the narcissist seeks to make himself relevant by making you feel irrelevant. That’s what the narcissist does. Narcissists are very insecure, as I mentioned. They seek to validate themselves by invalidating others. This is the reason they have to have your attention. So if you are a co-dependent person, and you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s a perfect match for Hell, but for them, okay?

And this is the reason being because this is the thing: if you’re co-dependent and you don’t have much confidence in yourself, you don’t put yourself front and center, then guess what? The narcissist loves that because then they can devote all their attention to themselves, to the things that would bring them more attention. They don’t have to focus on you. So it’s a perfect combination because you never thought you deserved the time in the first place.

Many Narcissists Hate Themselves

Okay. I wanted to read this. This is a little text. It may lead you to a deeper understanding of why the narcissist operates the way they do. Maybe this will support you with having a little bit more compassion for them, but you still don’t need to date them.

Here’s the text. ”In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies…” Listen to this: “he who loves his wife, loves himself. I repeat, “He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the Church.”

I’m not going to go too deep into this, but this is what this text is saying. It says “he who loves his wife, loves himself.” This applies to a man or a woman. But check this out, let’s break this down a little bit. If he doesn’t love himself, he cannot love his wife. It’s just not possible. In order for you to love other people, you have to love yourself first.
So we’re expecting a narcissist to show love and attention, to speak to you, to pour into you in a relationship or marriage. But they don’t even love themselves. It’s just an impossible task to happen. When you’re feeling insecure, you’re not strongly validated, so you’ve got to make up somewhere. And usually, if you’re codependent, you don’t believe in yourself, so you’re an easy target. And we call it “narcissistic supply.” If he pushes you down, or she pushes you down, then it lifts them up. It’s kind of like a God complex.

So, that’s a little bit about a narcissist. And you don’t have to be a narcissist to have these characteristics, but it’s a narcissistic tendency. If someone comes up, and you speak to them, they don’t speak back. Instead of having some type of animosities, becoming upset about it, just understand you’re on to new knowledge.

Realize that you are having an in-depth understanding that perhaps this person doesn’t feel very secure about themselves. Because if they love themselves, guess what? Then they’re going to treat you with respect and love as well. If someone doesn’t have the capacity to do that, then they will seek to pull it from others.

I hope this has been helpful. And I hope this can apply to any situations in which you might be in a relationship with these issues. If you are having problems and seem to be attracting narcissistic people, people who don’t show you appreciation, and you feel like you’re always pulling, you could be in a narcissistic relationship.

Help Me To Stop Attracting Narcissist

If you are always trying to prove yourself in a relationship or marriage, but not getting anything back; or maybe you’ve even been through physical abuse, even sexual abuse, then this could fit your situation. You just end up being with negative people all the time who seem to put themselves front and center.

Well, if so, then we can help you at Aspire Counseling and Consulting Services. We have a team of therapists and coaches who are right on par and are ready to do whatever you need to support you in your situation. Give us a call, and we can help. I hope that this has helped you out today. Take care.

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