Making statements such as “Yes, I’m pissed off!” may not be the most couth way to express your emotions, but the truth is that in relationships and marriages when we become angry and intense, anger management isn’t the first thought or plan of action that comes to our minds. When we are angry, we often do not choose the most refined, well-mannered ways to express ourselves. Many times we become tired and fatigued with being disrespected, dismissed or taken advantage of, and when we are in the presence of someone who has been a repeat offender of these types of actions, it becomes very easy to blow a fuse.
What Types of Things Make You Angry
So what is the one or two things you can think of that really makes you get a bit perturbed. It may be something like somebody talking over you, someone who tries to correct or embarrass you in public, or that arrogant acting somebody who thinks that they are “all of that.” On the wrong day, at the wrong time, things might not go well for people who seem to lure us into anger.
In your relationships it may be a situation where your partner lies to you, is late for a date, or just doesn’t show up, and their actions light you on fire because you feel that they were being inconsiderate. You might feel that they wasted your time, or maybe you have thoughts that they don’t see you as being important.
If those things don’t make you angry, maybe you have a spouse who tells you that they love you and you feel like they speak more words than they show action. Let’s say that something I have mentioned makes you angry or upset. Have you taken a moment and thought about why these things upset you? Why is your pet peeve a pet peeve, and why do you seem to have so many pet peeves with certain people.
Are You Truly Angry About Your Past or Present
When you have experienced a trend of certain situations that frequently make you angry, the problem that you are having contention with often has more to do with your history and past exposure to this type of situation rather than your present experience with the identified problem.
Have you ever heard of the term “psychic determinism?” Psychic determinism is described by Sigmund Freud as a “type of determinism that theorizes that all mental processes are not spontaneous but are determined by the unconscious or preexisting mental complexes.” In other words, nothing you experience happens by accident or by chance. Most of your behaviors or ways of responding to anger-provoking situations in relationships can be explained by the ways that you have responded to relationships in your past, primarily in childhood.
If you become “off the chain” upset or angry in your relationship or marriage about being disrespected, dismissed or taken advantage of, it is likely that your anger is linked to a primitive experience that you encountered in your childhood that resembled your current situation. Many times the core cause of overt anger reactions are not conscious. When you receive counseling such as anger management counseling, marriage counseling and other forms of counseling, the therapist will often support you with being able to discover why your anger reaction may be so extreme.
Having an awareness that more overt anger reactions that occur frequently can be tied into the unconscious mind can provide you with the understanding you may need to create more acceptable responses to unfavorable situations. It will give you the opportunity to understand your anger reactions and the anger reactions of others on a deeper level. You may grow to realize that the actions taken by your partner may have been wrong, but your response was packaged with the baggage of unresolved anger issues that you have carried from the past.
Do You Have Emotional PTSD?
Some of us suffer from “Emotional PTSD.” This is not an official diagnosis but this phrase kind of has a ring to it. The way we respond emotionally to reminders of abandonment, feeling unwanted, rejection and other intense emotional experiences, is much like the reaction we might observe from a veteran who has been at war and has a hard time hearing the sounds of firecrackers. The intense sounds of firecrackers may cause the veteran who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to associate this sound with the sound of war.
The sound of war is often what we are triggered or angered by from those who are closest to us. So often what we hear are non-affirming voices from the past. Voices that made us feel alone, tolerated, misunderstood or judged. It is many times our history that disrupts the present. The question then has to be asked, what are you really pissed off about?
Learning about who we are, and why we become so angry involves more than just judgment. It is necessary for us to be less disturbed by others judging us about our anger, and more focused on the root cause of where and when anger was let in the door. Once we understand the true cause, we then become empowered and equipped to start changing the old narrative.
Find An Anger Management Counselor In Huntsville, AL
If you have anger issues and you are ready to start learning about change, let us partner with you today. We provide anger management counseling for individuals, and we provide anger management classes. If anger has been causing conflict in your relationship or marriage, and you are looking for options for an Anger Management Counselor in Huntsville, Al, set up your appointment today. The anger management skills that we provide for you will change your life and your future!
About Choya
Choya Wise, LICSW, PIP is the owner of Aspire Counseling and Consulting Services a mental health clinic in the Huntsville, Al area. As a licensed mental health professional Choya specializes in individual counseling, marriage counseling, and anger management counseling. He also offers Social Work Supervision in Alabama.
If you have been having issues with building intimacy in your marriage or relationship, it may be time to seek a professional relationship counselor. If you are a couple looking for a counselor in Huntsville, Alabama, allow us to support you with steps to build your relationship.
