The Importance of Independence in a Relationship

The importance of independence in a relationship can’t be talked about enough.  However, it is something that we often overlook when we develop our relationship.  When we first fall in love with that special someone, we want to spend all of our time together. In fact, we seem to feel better when we are with our significant other.
This is the infatuation stage, and admittedly, it feels really good. But enduring relationships move past this stage and into a place of mutual respect and care. This will require each partner to give the other space to be their own individuals.
Prior to marriage, the thought of individuality in a relationship or marriage may seem a bit selfish. Who plans their marriage to be apart. Many may be shocked to realize that individuality, and Independence are key to having a successful marriage and relationship.

Why Individuality and Independence are Important in Relationships

First, what does it really mean to be an independent individual? It means you know how to be your own person, whether you are single or in a relationship. It means while you make the effort to make your partner happy, you also ensure that you continue to do the things you enjoy that bring you happiness.
Relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman,  says “It’s very important to have independence in a relationship. Successful, healthy relationships allow for both people to form a bond that lets them not only grow together but also grow independently as people. It’s essential to have your own sense of autonomy while feeling you can depend on each other. Also, if you give up your independence and abandon the things that used to make you happy, it will be reflected in your relationship.”
Individuality has a lot to do with learning, exploring, and experiencing boundaries for yourself. Individuality teaches us how to love ourselves more.  Independence supports a couple with recognizing who they are outside of the marriage or relationship.  Functional marriages and relationships require a balance. There should be a balance between togetherness, individuality, and independence.
The following are just some of the reasons why there should always be independence in a relationship:

No One Likes a Clingy Relationship or Marriage

When you lack independence in your relationship, and don’t have a solid sense of yourself, you can come across as “clingy” or needy.  It’s not always healthy to desire to be with your spouse or relationship partner 24/7.
It’s an awesome thing to enjoy the company of your spouse or relationship partner often.  But generally at some point, if there is no balance the relationship suffers.  Each marriage or relationship should thrive off of outside relationships, freedom, and autonomy.

Experience Mutual Growth As A Couple

When the two of you stay independent, you give each other the opportunity to grow as individuals, which then can lead to growth as a couple.
One of the worst things in the world is to be in a relationship that does not grow.  Regardless of Whether you are married or single, the relationship must grow.  Growth opens the door to merging shared goals as a couple.
When a relationship or marriage becomes stagnant, positive outcomes diminish.

Mutual Support Builds Independence In Relationships

Independent people are strong people, and strong people can be counted on when it matters most. When you are both strong individuals, you can lend that support when the other needs it.
Strong people, often fall weak in their relationships. It is simply a part of human nature. There needs to be a mutual support among partners.  Mutual support allows for couples to never leave one another behind. In other words, when I am down, I can depend on you to support with building me up.
I like to call it “no spouse left behind.” This means in a relationship, regardless of the circumstances we make it a goal to support one another. When this occurs, there can be an assurance that each spouse will come in the clutch and help as needed.

Need Help Getting Your Independent Spirit Back?

Most of us demanded our independence when we were in our teens and early 20s. But life happens, and we can often lose that independent spirit and lose our own identities. If you need some help reconnecting with yourself so that you may one day enjoy a beneficial partnership, please get in touch with me. We are more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.

Begin Couples Counseling in Huntsville, AL

We are honored to provide counseling and coaching services for marriage and couples here are Aspire Counseling and Consulting Services. We have a fantastic team of clinicians and counselors to help you with a variety of mental health concerns. I hope that this has been helpful, and have a blessed day. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:

  1. Contact Aspire Counseling 
  2. Meet with a marriage and couples counselor
  3. Start receiving the support you deserve!

Other Services Offered With Aspire Counseling

Our team of counselors understands that you or your teen may experience a variety of mental health concerns. This is why we are happy to offer multiple services in support of your mental health. Other services offered include marriage and couples counseling, individual counseling, anger management therapy, anger management classes, and depression therapy. We also offer support with continuing education, overcoming eating disorders, and offer online clinical supervision for social workers. Please feel free to visit our blog or FAQ for more helpful info!

About the Author

Choya Wise is the director and founder of Aspire Counseling and Consulting Services. He uses his passion to serve in order to help support families and individuals alike. Choya works to build more effective communication in relationships and cultivate intimacy for a healthier, more loving relationship.

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1955 Rideout Dr. Ste 400
Huntsville, AL 35806
(256) 212-0567

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