Dating can be magical or hellish, depending on the person you fall in love with. Sometimes, we end up with self-absorbed narcissists. Also, it’s difficult to tell during the first few months of your relationship since you’re fascinated and filled with awe for your lover.
However, as time passes, you begin to notice traits that make you uncomfortable. This feeling is known as The Feelings Gap, and the research supporting it shows that 68% of relationships end after three months.
If you’re at that point where you’re beginning to question your partner’s empathy towards you, this brief article will help. We will provide reliable signs to help you know whether you’re with a narcissist.
Read on!
Traits of a Narcissist
Spotting a behavior is easier when you first break down its traits. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental condition. Based on research by Sratpearls published in the National Library of Medicine, here are some ways to spot Narcissist:
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Constantly The Center of Attention
A Narcissist’s primary objective is themselves, resulting in them steering every subject, story, and reference about themselves. For example, you could be telling a Narcissist how you got into an accident, and instead of asking about your recovery, they instantly make it about them.
One general habit Narcissists also have is non-stop rambling about their “better than most” qualities. They are boastful and often exaggerate their previous successes and triumphs to appear more attractive.
Even in marriage, they ask their partner self-centered questions like “Why don’t you appreciate everything I do for you?” “What have you done for me lately?” and even “How dare you challenge my Authority or question my decision?”.
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Inability to Feel Compassion
Empathy is an essential trait humans evolved to foster relationships and deepen connections. Unfortunately, the self-centered nature of Narcissists results in them losing the ability to feel compassion.
This inability to feel what others feel often manifests in other ways. For instance they’re unable to apologize even when they’re at fault, or understand the perspectives of others. In other words, a narcissist cannot make you feel validated, accepted, or understood, which can be heartbreaking for many couples.
A narcissist will unapologetically fight with your parents or best friends, doesn’t care when you had a bad day at work, or zones out when you express what makes you unhappy.
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Narcissists Require Excessive Attention and Compliments
Everyone loves a genuine compliment for its validation, but narcissists take the desire too far. Despite seeming confident initially, most narcissists have low self-esteem. They require attention and compliments to make themselves feel good.
They require praise even in the most unnecessary situations, and if not given that adoration, they’ll fish for it. One way they try to make you tell them how great they are is by acting insecure about a task by saying, “I’m so bad at this,” or “I don’t think I can do this.”
Self-deprecation is another tactic narcissists use to satisfy their craving for admiration, leading them to say things like “I hate my hair” or “I’m so ugly.” They may even ask leading questions like “Do you like my outfit?” or “I look fat, don’t I?”.The difference between these questions a narcissist and a confident person asks is their reaction to an invalidating answer. A confident person will take your feedback and work on themselves, while a narcissist will bec
ome irritated and even push everyone around for the lack of attention.
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Struggles To Maintain Long-Term Relationships
Narcissists are self-centered people who seek compliments and attention at all costs, and unfortunately, they lash out when they don’t get this validation. This tendency towards conflict results in fewer long-term relationships since consistent trouble will weaken the bond.
Therefore, if you notice that your partner has little to no long-term friendships in your marriage, they’re probably a narcissist. It’s also worth mentioning that these individuals are insecure and hypersensitive, causing them to lash out at you for hanging out with others.
This behavior can manifest with them criticizing your type of friends, telling you that you don’t spend enough time with them, or making you feel guilty whenever you associate with your close ones.
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Narcissists Gaslight and Manipulate
Emotional manipulation and abuse are dominant traits in narcissists, and Gaslighting is one of their most prominent weapons. These self-centered individuals are professionals who tell lies, lay false accusations, spoon the truth, and anything of the sort.
This behavior often arises when there’s a threat of abandonment or a challenge to their Authority, causing them to save themselves using cruel tactics. Some ways to know if you’re being gaslit are if they make you feel less confident and anxious, regularly excuse your partner’s bad behavior, and wonder whether you’re too sensitive or toxic.
In addition to these toxic traits, Narcissists rarely apologize genuinely for their faults. Typically, debates and negotiations that don’t favor the narcissist end with them being unwilling to understand compromise, take responsibility, or hear you out.
What to Do if You’re Dating a Narcissist
If your partner falls under these traits mentioned, you’re most likely dating a narcissist. These relationships are emotionally exhausting as you’ve endured belittling, gaslighting, and neglect.
In this case, breaking the relationship should be the last resort after you’ve tried other methods, such as educating yourself on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Try building your self-esteem, setting consistent boundaries about unacceptable behaviors, and speaking up whenever they cross those boundaries.
It would help if you also tried therapy from a reliable relationship counselor. An expert opinion can help you structure your relationship and provide techniques to bring happiness to both sides.
It Is Not Just You
Ultimately, being in a narcissistic relationship hurts as your desires for emotional comfort and understanding aren’t met. In this case, learning more about this personality disorder can help you better handle your partner when issues come up.
It’s also worth noting that this article doesn’t serve as a professional diagnosis for your partner but a broad overview of unacceptable behaviors in a loving relationship.
If you feel you’re in a narcissistic relationship and need assistance, contact Aspiring Counselling today, as we provide effective recommendations to restore the happiness of couples.
