Marriage With A Narcissist: How They Choose Relationships

Wondering if you are in a relationship with a narcissist has become a common question. It is not that the “red flags” did not present themselves during the dating phase, but they become more pronounced once in a solid relationship or marriage. 

Relationships with a narcissist can be challenging and can damage your emotional and mental well-being. Narcissists have a marvelous sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and often manipulate and exploit others to meet their own needs. They may seem charming at first, but their true nature will become apparent.

Tell-Tale Signs of A Narcissist

•  Constant Critique

Narcissists have a goal to build you up and then tear you down within the same breath. It is essentially one of the many ways that they control their marriage. In the beginning of the relationship they shower you with lots of love and compliments. This is one of the ways to gain your trust. 

• Later in the marriage, the love-bombs begin to fade and they constantly critique anything they can find about you. This can drain your self-esteem and cause you to doubt your confidence. It works out for narcissists because they’ve gained your trust, and you will begin to believe the things they say.

• They Gaslight You 

Telling you that things never happened when infact you know that it did, and you have proof.  

When a narcissist tries to warp the reality of their partner, it is called gaslighting. Here are a few examples of how narcissists gaslight in their marriage:

• • Invalidating your feelings by apologizing because you think that they hurt you. 
  • The excuse for doing something hurtful is because they love you. 
    
  • Whenever you express how you feel they complain that you are too sensitive. You avoid communicating altogether.

•  You Stay In Isolation

When in a relationship with a narcissist, you become isolated and essentially left alone with just your spouse. Relationships with family and friends dwindle until there is possibly no one left. Narcissists isolate their partners so that they become unequivocally dependent upon them. Even when they portray that they do not want that, they secretly do. 

Why Narcissists Choose Marriage

As surprising as this sounds, most narcissists are not looking for emotionally dependent spouses with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Generally, they set their sights on those who are strong and very sure of themselves.

As mind-boggling as this seems, narcissists look for these types of individuals to date and marry. Adding in empathy and kindness create a natural magnet for a narcissist who longs for those traits. It fills a void that has been created by their own insecurities.

According to Psychology Today, narcissists are intrigued with the chase. They see self-assured individuals as the cream of the crop for marriage and a great conquest. Once they have landed someone who fits the criteria, they slowly break down the walls. Typically, their insecurities begin to overpower their positive personas, and they tear down their partners in order to remain superior in the relationship.

Changing The Dynamic 

The first step to shifting the trajectory of the marriage is to understand the patterns of a narcissist in order to break them. Start by communicate your needs and desires, and double down when they try to warp your reality. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. 

You may also want to consider seeking therapy or counseling to help you cope with the challenges of being with a narcissist. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship, and it’s okay to seek help and support to achieve that.

If you feel you’re in a narcissistic relationship and need assistance, contact Aspiring Counselling today, as we provide effective recommendations to restore the happiness of couples.