I Need A Self-Esteem Upgrade


The promotion you received, your colleague just got one better. The looks that you have, she’s cuter.  The house you just bought, your best friend closed on one bigger. It is so important to be very secure with your self-esteem and the material possessions you have because if you wait long enough, someone will show up with something bigger, shinier, with all the bells and whistle’s that you don’t have. It’s our human nature that makes these things matter. And if you are not grounded, you’ll fall for the old trick of believing that someone has something better than you. 

What I Have Is Not Good Enough!

Thinking that you are worse of than others, or that they have something better than you can quickly move you fast-forward into thoughts of depression, anxiety shame, and insecurity. Before you know it you will quickly revert to a mindset that says “I am not good enough.” And guess what do we do when we start to feel that we are not good enough? We start to compensate. We implant in our minds what we feel that others will think is good enough.  In our minds, we really think that we know what is going to make us look good. And looking good often interprets that we are good.
So it’s a new year, you got the latest model Mercedes from last year, you see Louise or Cameron riding slow, sunroof down, looking like they are on top of the world.  You haven’t had your car for a full year yet, and already you are feeling the anxiety and pressure, calculating budgetary figures in your head, thinking about how old your late model vehicle looks in comparison to the upgraded lights on Louise or Cameron’s Mercedes. Soon your mind, body, and soul determine that it is absolutely necessary to make plans for the upgrade. Boy, I tell you insecurity stinks doesn’t it, but we all have it.
Depending on the level of insecurity you have, and what you do with those random, anxious, ridiculous thoughts concerning your status, many times determines how much peace you will have in your life. It also determines something very crucial, “will my life be one that is lived by the influence of myself, or will all of my moves and decisions be determined by some other insecure mate who at the end of the day doesn’t spend five minutes thinking about me?” So instead of going broke and making plans to upgrade that car, I want to offer three tips to upgrade your curb your anxiety and raise your esteem. It’s much cheaper, and a whole lot less stress.

Honor Yourself 

You know the sacred text says to honor your parents, and this is necessary for long life. I think it is essential also to honor yourself. Now, I’m sure to some this sounds kind of haughty, but that is not the context from which I’m coming from. Easing the attention off of yourself from a superficial standpoint, and moving into self, the love of self from a godly, accepting perspective is the object lesson I am proposing.
You know you are a creation of God. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. There is greatness in you that no one else possesses because you are the only one who holds your total DNA or genetic code. You are the only one who holds the fingerprint that lies at the center of your fingertips, so there is no one else on earth that has your touch.
Many times we fail to honor the reality that we are good. Instead of embracing the sentiments of God’s belief of us being “good” we measure our good superficially and compare. We evaluate our performances. We look back at the success or lack of success of our marriages social relationships, careers and then determine that we are not good. Blasphemy!! Bad actions do not determine whether you’re good. Worldly success has no say. Someone else’s earthly opinion doesn’t matter.  Your beauty and goodness is not a matter of opinion, it’s a matter of fact simply because you exist.

Build Your Support System

It is possible that if you have started to make some upgrades to your self-esteem, but your support system has not yet taken the leap. They may still be caught up in the gossip, putting on a front, buying things they can’t afford, “relationshipless” romantically,  and maintaining the same dysfunctional self-defeating ways of thinking that you once possessed yourself. Believe it or not, influence matters.  It shapes the way we think, it often determines the way we consume, and it often whispers instruction for who we choose to love.  It is many times the driving force behind the better development or depletion of our mentalities. Our support system really matters.
Now I’m not saying, that because we have been introduced to more enlightened thinking that we become too good for our friends and loved ones, and therefore walk a separate path. What I am suggesting is an evaluation of our support systems. It’s time to question if the people around us are contributing to growth or stagnation. Question if the people around you are contributing to anxiety-provoking thoughts and indecision in your life.
Has your support system been contributing to making you feel more insecure?  Do they aid and abet in the silencing of your voice? Do they cause you to feel worthless at times due to their evaluations of you? And how functional are they in their relationships and their personal well-being. It may be time to look at upgrading your support system.

Serve Others

There is a big world out there. A world full of pain, hurt, poverty and depression. And there is someone out there who needs to see your smile. They need to see you for one moment focused on something other than your own success and survival.  They may already view you as being successful, and just don’t know how confused and anxious you really are, but they need transparency to give them hope to relieve their pain and anxiety.
Take a moment to think outside of the rat race if you get a chance. Think about those who are close to you who need the real you, the real you that you have been afraid to reveal. Question, do you know who that really is? Many of us have the need to be needed.  We wear a mask of security that is a fraud.  It is a fraud because deep inside, we are in pain.  We fail to recognize that what is really needed by others, is what we are most fearful to expose. We fear being our true self.  Being your authentic self will free you from the noise and competition of false success.
Silence the noise that tells you greatness is based on achievement and that success is based on materials. Silence the noise that speaks and tells you that your contribution to relationships in society is meaningless or subpar.  Honor yourself, be who you are, build your support system, serve others and I promise that this will upgrade your self-esteem.

About Choya

LICSW Social Work Licensure Supervisor and Mental Health Counselor in Huntsville, AL 35806

Choya Wise, LICSW, PIP is the owner of Aspire Counseling and Consulting Services a mental health clinic in the Huntsville, Al area.  As a licensed mental health professional Choya specializes in individual counselingcouples therapy, and depression counseling.  He also offers Social Work Supervision in Alabama and Anger Management Classes.

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1955 Rideout Dr. Ste 400
Huntsville, AL 35806

(256) 212-0567

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