How do we reduce money fights in our Relationships? If you and your partner argue about money, you’re not alone. According to a recent survey, 27% of Americans said that disagreements about finances tend to erupt into full-blown arguments. This means couples fight more about money than they do about work, chores or the kids.
Money Fights Can Lead To Broken Relationships
Perhaps even more disturbing is that arguments about money tend to be particularly disastrous to the relationship. Money fights often mean that communication needs to be improved. In fact, a study by Jeffrey Dew of Utah State University found that married couples who argued about money once a week were twice as likely to divorce as those who disagreed less than once a month.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is there are things you and your partner can do to reduce fighting over money.
Being Honest Reduces Money Fights
When your partner finds out you owe $20,000 in school loans after you’ve been married three years, that’s a problem. Though it may be hard to talk about, it’s incredibly important that both people be financially transparent. Any time you hide something from your partner, you make it that much harder to form real intimacy. Secrecy is one of the first things to undermine a marriage, and when those secrets do finally come out, and they will (how long do you think you can hide your debt), the arguments will follow.
Establish a Budget as a Couple
Establishing a budget in your marriage is super important. Many of us were not taught to establish a budget by our parents. This make it difficult many times to get started. Most of us probably need a coach. A class from Dave Ramsey or some other resource that can provide budgeting tips for couples would be helpful.
Will establishing a budget be a fun project? Nope, but it’s really important that you both do it anyway.
Creating a budget gives you factual information that cannot be disputed, hence it takes the wind out of your argument for you. Many financial arguments are based on assumptions and emotions, so when you have a budget, you get to look at cold, hard numbers and nothing else.
Should one of you not stick to the budget, there is no need for finger-pointing, as the numbers speak for themselves.
One important thing to note about creating budgets is to make sure you each have some wiggle room. You’ll both, from time to time, want to buy something the other thinks is frivolous. Having some wiggle room will allow you to make smaller purchases you don’t have to defend.
Understand Each Other’s Spending Style In The Relationship
Everybody has their own unique money personality, so it’s important that you and your partner understand each other’s spending style. It is also great to determine, “Am I the problem in the relationship?” Are you a saver or a spender? Two savers joined eternally is a good thing – two spenders together will be challenging. But even more challenging is when a saver and a spender tie the knot.
When this happens, the saver resents the spender on an almost daily basis for buying those unnecessary lattes or that new pretty bra. Understanding each other’s spending styles won’t change them, but it will open the lines of communication.
The need for money in our society won’t be going away anytime soon, so every couple should spend a little time on these tips to make their home lives more peaceful and loving. And, should your arguments about money persist, it’s a great idea to seek guidance from a therapist, who can help you both communicate better in your relationship and manage your issues.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact us today. We would be happy to speak with you about how we may be able to help.
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If some of what you have read feels close to home, and you believe that you can use some additional support, give us a call. We have a team of therapists and coaches who are ready to do whatever you need to support you in your situation. We have therapists and coaches who specialize support individuals who have concerns regarding codependency, anger management, couples counseling, eating disorders, and more. Aspire Counseling & Consulting Services also offers online therapy anywhere in the state of Alabama. Give us a call, and we can help.
