How To Cope With Negative Criticisms In Your Relationships

Are you tired of allowing negative criticisms to get you down in your relationships or marriage?  Are you tired of second-guessing yourself after hearing someone else’s opinion?  I want to engage you on the subject of how and when to accept negative criticisms.  I want you to understand how to effectively manage criticisms, identify if criticisms are coming from the right place, and how you can clearly understand if those in your relationships or marriage are having the right intentions.  It’s my goal to help you to be able to decipher if you or the individuals that you have in your relationships or marriage are really looking out for your best interest.

What Do I Do When My Relationship Partner Criticizes Me?

So one question that you might ask yourself is what do I do when people criticize me? You know sometimes when we are criticized and we are led to a default pattern of second-guessing ourselves in our relationships and marriages, we feel that we don’t make the best decisions.  Often we will rely on other’s suggestions because we have more faith that they will have better outcomes than us.

Is this really the case, and if so, why haven’t other’s decisions brought about more happiness?  Usually when we make bad decisions, especially really important decisions, after the decision has been made we will often make statements like, “I knew I shouldn’t have done that!”  The results of our decisions are often so harsh, that we are hardly ever reminded that the decision that we made was not our first choice.  If you had taken the initiative to speak up, say no, indicate that you were not comfortable with the situation, your outcome would have been much more positive.  Sometimes instead of questioning ourselves about what we should do when others criticize us, we should first begin questioning ourselves about how well we listen to the internal voice that lies inside of us.  We should also ask ourselves how obedient are we to our own initial gut thoughts.

Are The Criticisms That You Receive Justified In Your Relationship or Marriage? 

What is the best way to figure out if the criticisms that you receive in your relationships or marriage are justified? Well, you have heard the old saying that says that we should “question the source.” When I say question the source, we want to ask ourselves the question, “does this person that  comes to mind or that has been criticizing me always have criticisms or do they actually pour positive value into my life.”

At times we may be in a relationship with someone because we envy or respect them.  We may have an appreciation for what they are engaged in professionally. We may be attracted to certain individuals because of the way that they carry themselves.  There may be an attraction to their lifestyle, the idea that they appear to be in a stable.  Sometimes when we do not look beyond the externals, we can end up in bad relationships.

Although some of the reasons for being attracted to someone as listed above may be superficial, the reality is that on a conscious or sometimes unconscious level, these are the reasons that we are attracted to our peers, Hollywood, reality television shows, superstars and our lovers.  I’m not criticizing how or why we choose our relationships, but outside of our choices, a good question might be, “how much has this individual who I have chosen, poured into our relationship.” Outside of negative criticisms, how much have they supported you and been a benefit to you in the pursuit of your dreams? At some point, it is important to question the value of the person who has criticisms.

So let’s think of some criticisms that might be common in a relationship or marriage.  There are a few criticisms that I have, so here’s one.  “I think it’s a mistake for you to marry that man or woman.”  Here is an example of a criticism that you might receive in a relationship from your loved one that might make you feel a little judged.  You may say to yourself, “you don’t know me you don’t know him, so how in the world do you know that this is not a good man? How do you know this is not a good woman?  You don’t know him, you don’t know me.  So how are you going to have an opinion about something you don’t know?  Because of this unsolicited statement, at the end of the day, you may go home and question yourself about whether or not your decision was negative or positive?

I have another criticism for you.  “You need to act like a real man and stop being a mama’s boy.” Wow! This kind of criticism seems off-limits, but we use them, unfortunately. I have one more criticism for you.  Have you heard this one “you’re just not submissive enough,  you know you just a  yap-yap, yap! If you are having anger management concerns, these types of criticisms may be more than a challenge to confront.

Do You Really Care About Me?

Out of all the criticisms we receive in our marriages and relationships, which criticisms are worth investing in?  So here’s the hack.  The question you want to ask yourself about the critic is “do they truly care?” Fear in relationships or marriages keeps us from asking questions like “Is this a person that’s been in your life that has been supportive of you?  Have they often supported you in a way that was helpful to better your well being? Do they support you when you’re actually doing well, and compliment you or are they more prone to bring negative energy that often discourages you?”

It is important to take adequate time to answer the question that you have posed to yourself that asks “do they truly care?” If they don’t truly care about you, why would you then listen to anything that they have to say?  Why might you question yourself about yourself because of someone who really doesn’t care about you?

Do You Have My Best Interest In Mind?

The second question is do they have my best interests in mind.  Now sometimes we can feel hater type tensions in our relationships if we have that man or we have that woman and our acquaintance doesn’t.    Have you ever been in a relationship where you noticed that when you make a call or send a message to your relationship partner’s inbox concerning your successes or accomplishments that they seem slow to respond, unexcited, or unenthused about your good news?  If not careful you may even think that sharing your successes may be haughty.  You may start to think to yourself, “how dare you to share your happy experiences.

Why shouldn’t someone I claim to be close to, be happy about my accomplishments? Why do I often feel like my relationship partner(s) don’t care about me being happy or successful?  If you have ever felt like this, or have questions about the intentions of your relationship partner(s), you may want to ask yourself the question “do they really have my best interest in mind.”  Questions have to be asked about the interest of those whom you have been seeking your advice.  Did the person who told you to “ act like a real man,”   have your best interest in mind.  The loved one who has advised you about who you should or shouldn’t marry, have they had your best interest in mind?

Could You Be Misdirected?

The third question  I  want you to ask this is a  good one.  This third question should only be followed if questions one and two are no.  Ask yourself “could this person possibly be misdirected.   Is it possible that your critics could be a little bit off?  A critic can have very positive intentions and yet still be wrong.  This is why the Bible says, “in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”  Instead of relying on that one go-to person, consider seeking other options for advice.  It is also key to learn to build up trust and confidence in yourself.

Relationships and marriage can be tuff, trusting in yourself can be even more difficult.  It is wise to lean on others for advice, but it is wiser to question the intentions of your critics.  Find out if they care, do they have your best interest, and is it possible that they may be misdirected.  If you ask these questions to yourself before you consider criticisms, I promise you that you will become more confident in yourself, your self-esteem will improve, and you will make better decisions in your marriage and relationships.  I hope this helps!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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