When you first meet your spouse, you are two individuals getting to know one another. You learn each other’s communication styles, strengths, weaknesses, preferences, likes, dislikes, etc. Unfortunately, one of the things people tend to skate over is boundaries and their idea of privacy. Often, married couples become so adjacent to one another that they lose their sense of self and privacy. So how much privacy should we have in our marriages? Hopefully, at the completion of this article, you will know.
Privacy VS Dishonesty
George Bernard Shaw once stated, “The highest form of love is respect for one’s privacy.” Some couples don’t find respect for privacy to be a description of love at all. Privacy within a marriage can look different to different couples. You both have to decide what that should look and feel like. No relationship is the same; you and your partner should make those distinctions.
Having privacy in a marriage is often frowned upon because most people associate it with withholding information or dishonesty. They are very far from the same thing. Lying is not being truthful in your marriage, regardless of the reasoning. When an individual is deceitful in their marriage, they intentionally hide things from their spouse. Privacy refers to the boundaries you’ve set about your history, thoughts, opinions, and experiences separate from your spouse and marriage. Privacy is an extension of both trust and respect for one another. When done correctly, marital privacy lets you recognize that your wife or husband should still have space to themselves while being honest with you.
What Does Privacy Look Like In A Marriage?
Privacy in a marriage is about acknowledging that although you are one, you are both individuals. Marital privacy is about setting boundaries. Of course, you should share the crucial things with your spouse. “Crucial” refers to finances, your children, your home, and career decisions, but the delicious coffee you had for breakfast is not essential information to share. Privacy is healthy and honest, not harmful to one another, and involves having unobserved time alone. In a healthy relationship, you should honor the emotional and physical privacy you and your partner need. Without those boundaries and levels of respect, you limit the growth that could flourish in your marriage.
What Things Should Remain Private?
- Judgment: No one is perfect, and every decision made by your husband or wife may be one that you agree with. Understanding that there is a difference between constructive criticism and unwarranted critique will go a long way in your marriage. Constantly pointing out every flaw that appears or mistake made by your husband or wife will do nothing but damage their feelings.
- Previous Relationships: You and your spouse should discuss certain things regarding “the past,” but your old flames are not one of them. Reliving those relationships creates insecurity and disconnect in the relationship.
What Things Should Not Be Private?
- Health Issues: your and your spouse’s health are top of the list of things that need sharing. Health includes your physical and mental well-being. Married couples typically occupy health insurance policies together. Keeping quiet about a serious or debilitating illness will only cripple your partner in some way later on down the line.
- Finances: This is usually a touchy subject, but there is no hiding it without creating potentially detrimental problems for the relationship. You both should be open and honest about your finances and spending habits. These conversations are vital to the decision-making in the marriage and planning for the future together. Without them, couples often experience conflict and money fights.
- Day-To-Day: What you do every second of every day is not necessarily a meaningful conversation, but your plans for the day may be. No one should have a tracking device on their partner, but the life of communication about procedures and whereabouts should never close. Your husband or wife will be the first person contacted in an emergency.
While plenty of married couples have already implemented this into their relationship, others may find it difficult and need assistance transitioning toward it. Licensed counselors and therapists have trained to assist married couples in working towards healthier relationships. However, change can be difficult, so having someone to help you and your husband or wife navigate these transitions can benefit your marriage.
If you are looking for an experienced counselor to help support you and your spouse as you strive for a healthier relationship, Aspire Counseling & Consulting Services is a great place to start your search. We are currently accepting clients who are seeking counseling or therapy services. If you need more information or are ready to begin counseling services, please do not hesitate to call us.
