Has Anxiety Been Making An Attack?

Have there been times when you have been pretty tough on yourself? Would you happen to be your worst critic? Truth be told, would you call yourself a perfectionist? And how are you doing with perceived failures?
The things that we tell ourselves, about ourselves many times has originated from programming that we received long before we can remember. At some stage in most of our lives we were shaped and molded to think of ourselves in a mostly positive way or mostly negative way. At some point in our lives based on the way we were conditioned usually by our parents or caregiver, we were taught to Believe and trust in ourselves that we could conquer the world, or we were taught to shame ourselves, have doubt about what we could accomplish, or we were influenced to believe that each performance that we participated in had to be performed with superior quality. Some of us were taught that no matter how high we performed, or how hard we tried, there was a great potential that whatever the outcome turned out to be, our performance would not be good enough.  For some of us, this line of thinking advanced to the next level, some much to the point that when we did perform to our peek potential, we felt unworthy and experienced guilt for our accomplishments.

Anxiety & Perfectionism

Perfectionistic qualities and the concept of not feeling good enough have the tendency to lead us into a pattern of anxiety and depression. It can be the stimulus of anger and resentments.  When wrapped in the perfectionistic web, we may find ourselves easily beating up on ourselves or beating up on others.  This can often be seen when we seek to control situations, others, probabilities, the past, and the future.

Based on our upbringings it is easy to develop thought patterns that make us believe that something is not right with us. Perhaps we think that others just have greater ideas.  Sometimes we believe that the ideas that we have are just not worth sharing. We question ourselves about business and leadership. We can look at other’s performances and be very critical of how they operate. But when it comes to us stepping into their position, applying for that role, making that speech, moving into the new relationship, or venturing to start that business we are highly reluctant to make moves because something tells us, “you are not good enough.”

The Voice of Fear and Anxiety

Where does that sinister voice come from, and what evidence does this voice have that makes its opinion fact. You know it’s interesting how when the truth is told, must of us are not as confident as we seem.  Many of us have made the visual of low self-esteem look really attractive.  We have even better ideas than what we have shared, but are so insecure about not matching our “greatness,” that we fear making a further contribution or taking a greater risk.  We spend an enormous amount of energy discounting ourselves and what we have to bring to the table.  It’s often easier, safer to stand from the distance and critique others than to stand and speak what we believe to be of substance.
 Many times we are functioning off of somebody else’s script. You see at some point in life somebody gave you a script. Basically, this script influenced you to determine if you were good or bad if you were going to be independent or codependent, if you were going to be confident or insecure, peaceful or anxious.  Some of us rebelled against the negative scripts and decided to write our own.  Some of us prayed and asked God to give us a more pure script and we became dependent on that.  But others of us took on an unhealthy script that was full of lies telling us things about the Uns that Iyanla Vanzant speaks about (Unwanted, Unloved, Unlovable, Unacceptable, Unimportant, Unattractive, Unworthy).  These Uns often have us trapped in depression, anxiety, comparisons, angry at our lack of achievement because of bad script that has deceived us about ourselves.

Can You Prove You Are Unworthy?

One of the most interesting things that I think we fail to do when we are trapped in the Uns is challenge them and then prove them to be objective truths.  For instance, if you feel like you are a bad person.  You know that it is fact that you have hurt a lot of people.  You have made a bunch of mistakes and been the cause of broken relationships.  There is no coincidence that this type of negative thinking and use of introjection can lead to anxiety and depression.  This type of thinking is a sign of depression, and yes, you may be able to benefit from a mental health counselor.
But before you make that move, have your tried proving the Uns.  Can you prove for a fact that you are a bad person.  Would it be easier to prove you have “bad actions” verses proving that you are a bad person.  Bad actions are less subjective if you have a moral value system.  However, drawing the conclusion that you are a bad person is judgment. Are you hurt by your decisions, are you sorrowful, do you want to make things right even if you feel you do not have the capacity.  Have you ever received a compliment?  Have you ever placed a smile on someone’s face?  Have you ever done something that impacted someone’s life in a positive way?
If you have not, it is still difficult to objectively prove how terrible of a person you are, because it is quite possible that something you said to someone regardless of whether it was positive or negative could have saved their life, but you may not know about it.  You may never know about it.  That person whos life you impacted or saved may think differently of you.  They may not feel that you are a bad person because of how you impacted their life.  So who’s opinion is more objective.  Who has been certified to make the determination that the Uns about you are true?  No one!  There is no one sin-free, faultless on earth, that has the authority, or who is qualified to determine that any human is bad or un whatever.  So why waste your time depressing yourself or causing further anxiety on yourself about something you have no authority to prove.

Choose An Alternative Positive Thought Concerning Anxiety

These are some of the questions that we should ask ourselves before we decide that we have the authroity to be the judge and jury concerning how good or bad we are.  It is very compelling how in our heart of hearts we can hold so much insecurity, doubt, and indecision about actions, successes and accomplishments.  We can second guess ourselves to no end about what we deserve.  Thoughts may ponder in our minds about our worth in our marriages and relationships.  Anxiety and depression may sometimes take ahold of us.  With all this doubt and fear about our lives, we are so concretely sure that we are right about what is wrong about us.
As long as others have alternative positive thinking about the negative thoughts that we have about ourselves, we lack evidence to prove our Uns.  We must at some point accept that our thoughts about our Uns are our own thoughts.  Regardless of the programming, its time for many of us to replace the software that has been uploaded in our minds.  We need to spend less time trying to prove the negatives or the Uns about ourselves, reboot and spend more time processing the God-given good that we possess. We should always remember, whatsoever things are noble, true, just, pure, of good rapport, if there is any virtue and anything praiseworthy, you need to think on those things.

About Choya

LICSW Social Work Licensure Supervisor and Mental Health Counselor in Huntsville, AL 35806

Choya Wise, LICSW, PIP is the owner of Aspire Counseling and Consulting Services a mental health clinic in the Huntsville, Al area.  As a licensed mental health professional Choya specializes in individual counselingcouples therapy, and depression counseling.  He also offers Social Work Supervision in Alabama and Anger Management Classes.

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1955 Rideout Dr. Ste 400
Huntsville, AL 35806

(256) 212-0567

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