Ending a Casual Relationship

Nowadays, it might seem like casual relationships and entanglements are more common than serious ones. You might call it an open relationship or a friend with benefits, but they all amount to the same thing: a relationship that’s usually sexual in nature, but without any form of commitment attached to it.  It is often our tendency to be in situations where we can get as close as we can to the real thing.  But at some point we become confused and forget that we were in a situation to get “as close as we could to the real thing.  Maybe we sought to get close because we knew that the person we were getting close to, was not relationship or marriage material.

Casual relationships can be fun and fulfilling for the moment, but we innately seek something that is our own no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise. Casual relationships can provide you with companionship and sexual intimacy, serving its purpose for you during a certain period in your life. However, problems in a casual relationship can arise when one person begins to develop feelings, and the other doesn’t. Your partner may decide that they want commitment, but you don’t (or vice versa), and you’ve decided that it’s time to end the relationship. What do you do, and how do you respond.  An appropriate response can be complicated when we have not comprehended that casual relationships just don’t work.

Don’t Feel Guilty Ending A Relationship

There’s nothing wrong with not having a desire to be married or in a relationship with those whom you have dated.  But has it really been considered the harm of being involved in a casual relationship when you really want more.   If you’re the one who’s caught feelings and have been rebuffed by your partner, there’s no need to feel awkward. A sexual connection can create the illusion of intimacy; your feelings are natural, but sexual relations with a partner who is not yours permanently brings about confusion, especially when there is no set plan for a future, a commitment and a marriage.

Stop Sexual Relations

It’s best to reserve sexual intimacy for marriage.  When it’s time to end a relationship, it is very difficult for a couple to make a clean break when they remain intimate sexually.  The act of sex often clouds the mind to create an illusion about the relationship.  Good sex will keep hope alive for a failed relationship that will only leave the creation of a broken family, broken dreams, life on hold, and a lot of painful memories to follow.

The sexual contact needs to stop. Continuing sexual intimacy before or after you’ve realized you need to cut ties with this person will only confuse your partner (or you.)

Don’t Sugar Coat It

When it’s time to break the news to your partner, do both of you a favor: be clear, direct and honest, but kind. Pick a busy, public place to meet for coffee or drinks, and make sure you arrive separately. Not everyone accepts bad news peacefully especially if sex has been a part of the relationship. The reality of a breakup can be devastating.  We often reflect on how much we have invested and lost.  Many times just like a bad stock, if there has been much invested, we may ride it until the wheels fall of, after all, the thought of what will happen next is almost unbearable.  Who will want me now?  I am going to be alone.  What will others think?

When it’s time to break the news, let them know that you enjoyed your time together, but that you’ve decided you no longer want to be in this relationship and you both need to move on. After you let them know, make a hasty exit.

If for any reason you feel it’s unsafe to break up with your partner in person, then call or text instead. Your safety always comes first.

Prepare for Negative Reaction

It’s natural for people to react negatively or to be emotional after a break up. Stay calm and listen to what they have to say without interrupting. You can repeat back to them what you heard them say to help validate their feelings but reiterate that you’re no longer interested in seeing them.

End Contact

Getting through a relationship breakup is difficult, but now that it’s over, it’s time to end contact. No more text messages, phone calls or DM’s. Don’t like their photos or comments on social media. This will only send mixed messages or make it more difficult for you to break it off.  If the end game was marriage, a friendship without the goal of marriage only creates more lost time and confusion.


Schedule Counseling Services at Aspire in Huntsville, AL

Are you having a hard time moving on after a marriage or relationship break-up? Do you need help deciding if the relationship you’re in is right for you? Are you tired of choosing relationships and even marriages that tend to live and die the same?  If you have any questions about your potential or the possibility of meeting a good partner who will love, honor, and support you, you need to consider giving us a call.

The game can be won if it’s played correctly, but sometimes it is time to learn a new set of rules, a new game plan.  We can get you there!

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