Boundaries: Establishing Healthy Marriage Routines

Boundaries are dividing lines in your marriage that define what is and is not acceptable in your relationship. Healthy boundaries are a part of the foundational aspects of a strong relationship. Because every marriage differs, you and your spouse can create an atmosphere that works just for you. 

Why Are Boundaries Important in Marriage?

Being in a relationship with someone for some time can cause anyone to lose their “sense of self.” When your identity is wrapped so tightly into your partner’s, you neglect your needs and desires. Lacking a sense of self can also cause resentment towards your partner. 

Creating boundaries within your marriage shows your significant other that their needs are valued. Respecting those boundaries builds trust and shows your spouse you have dedicated time to meeting their needs. 

It is important to understand that the perimeters set in your marriage do not equate to the manipulation or control of your spouse. When done correctly, the relationship can maintain balance.

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What Does A Healthy Boundary Look Like In Marriage?

You and your spouse will spend the majority of your time together. Set aside time so you can each do things you enjoy individually. Whether you go out and participate in an activity or have a space off-limits to others. Use that alone time to recharge your physical, emotional, and mental batteries. Having personal space and time allows you to maintain needed privacy and autonomy. 

You and your spouse could also set boundaries around decision-making. Ultimately both parties have a say in what happens with the marriage. Both you and your partner should have input on things like financial goals, family plans, and all other things that directly impact your relationship. 

Those are two examples that would apply to any relationship. Remember, all marriages do not require the same boundaries. 

How To Establish Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries with your spouse may not look like everyone else’s marriage. That is entirely OK! Here are a few things to consider when establishing boundaries in your marriage:

  1. Communicate your thoughts, concerns, and expectations with your spouse openly and honestly. With communication, you have to talk and listen. Be open to hearing their perspective as well.
  2. Compromise is occasionally required. It is essential to find a middle ground so that both individuals feel respected. Boundaries should be flexible. They may even alter or change over time. It is normal to re-visit and adjust them based on where the relationship is at the time. 
  3. Try to avoid vague language that your spouse will easily misinterpret. Be clear and specific about your needs. 

Correcting Crossed Boundaries

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As we all know, humans make mistakes. No one is perfect. Sometimes, your spouse unintentionally crosses one of the pre-set boundaries. Properly dealing with your partner crossing boundaries is equally as crucial as setting healthy ones.

  • Communicate which boundary they crossed and how it made you feel. Remember to use language that is specific rather than vague.
  • Allow them an opportunity to explain what happened or why. Do not assume that your partner crossed the boundary intentionally.
  • Work together to resolve the issue. You should both actively listen to one another and find a solution that supports the specific boundary and the feelings involved. Remember, boundaries should be flexible and capable of evolving. 
  • Remain patient with one another. Change does not happen overnight. Extend a bit of grace to your partner as they learn how to respect your boundaries properly. 

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If you struggle to set and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationship, it may help to reach out to a licensed therapist. Aspire Counseling & Consulting Services is a great place to work through any issues preventing you from setting healthy habits.

Our team of therapists can help you and your partner communicate more effectively and would be happy to offer support from our Huntsville, AL-based practice. Start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

  1. Contact Aspire Counseling 
  2. Meet with a Marriage or Relationship Counselor.
  3. Start interventions that support the growth and intimacy of your relationship. Other Services Offered With Aspire Counseling

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